It can be painful for highly sensitive people (HSPs) to witness the suffering of others. As a result, we might find ourselves gravitating toward people who need our compassion and support. However, sometimes those people simply aren’t emotionally capable of reciprocating that level of friendship.
This dynamic is draining and can lead to an HSP feeling used and mistreated.
Boundaries
I have ended up in non-reciprocal relationships myself more times than I would like to admit. It took me a long time to realize that I need to make protecting my own heart a priority.
In other words, if I realize that a person will not be available to fill up my cup when needed, I have to decide that I cannot put energy into the same for them. This kind of giving will only lead to resentment and hurt for me.
Unrealistic Expectations
I have been truly hurt by having unrealistic expectations for people. I think I believed that investing a great deal of care into a relationship this way meant I should be able to expect the same from the recipient of my kindness. But not everyone is capable of returning the love.
My therapist has helped me understand that I need to reserve my heart for those who have proven that they care about me as much as I care about them. She pointed out that another, less personal, way an HSP can satisfy their need to nurture, is to redirect a giving heart toward volunteer work or random acts of kindness. These acts of giving reap their own rewards and the expectations are very clear.
Protect Your Gift
If you find that interactions with certain people (even people you love) only drain you, it is alright to limit your time with those people. Remember that you and your gifts are worthy of protection.
My circle is personally very small. However, I know, without a doubt, that the people I keep, see me and love me exactly as I am. There are still peripheral family members and old friends out there for whom I make space on occasion. I care about them, and wish them the best. I just know they are limited in their depth of care for me.
Self-Care
Protecting your heart is an act of self-care. It is a mark of someone who believes themselves worthy of love and respect. The truth is, we are all worthy just as we are. Your relationships should feel equal. Your kind heart deserves to feel loved and cared for in return for all of your nurturing support.
Most importantly, saying no to non-reciprocal relationships allows you to say yes to more possibilities for growth, self-care and self-love.
